Picture the scene: A weary traveller carrying a little bag tied on to a stick, walking in the scorching summer sun towards a possibly religious destination. A destination worth so much to him; to say the very least, worth far more than the many days and nights of travel that he has to endure walking barefoot. He is tired and steps into the cool shade of the Thinnai of a household along his way, and takes a quick nap there. He wakes up to the noise of children darting out of the house into the streets. He drinks a cool, soothing tumbler of MORU from a pot placed delicately beside where his head rest when he was asleep. An elderly woman walks out, a placid smile across her face, watching the MORU being quickly gulped down, wetting the parched throat of the stranger. She makes polite conversation with the stranger; the children pause their activities, hop up and down listening to the stranger's strange stories of travel. Together, they bid farewell to the stranger and he carries along his journey.
But isn't this a beautiful idea? A space for yourself, along with a space for others. You may lock yourself in if you wish, without 'locking' others out.
It makes me wonder with bitter irony and some sadness, about all that we have lost in our search or struggle for I-really-don't-know-what. What is it that we are looking for? Why are there appartment complexes and N-storey buildings springing up like malignant, mutant mushrooms all over the cities? 'Better' opportunities for ourselves and our young ones? More money? Recognition? A dip if not a dive into the real world? Travel?
Or is it freedom that we seek? The freedom that only a fast-paced, modern city-life, spent largely in solitude can bring us! What illusive freedom is it that makes us run away from larger families we cannot "tolerate", set up smaller ones in the presence of people whom we think we can "tolerate", struggle hard to juggle our time in the process, "tolerating" all kinds of other people along the way anyway and yet limiting the number of people we "really" know, like, trust and care for?
Hasn't something gone seriously wrong somewhere along the way, if we simply cannot trust letting a stanger into our house for a drink? Isn't something seriously wrong with us today, that it has become so much of an effort to play host when it was once a daily routine? Isn't it wrong that taking care of one's parents in their last days or just keeping them company is a duty and a momentous effort in a nuclear family setup? Isn't it wrong that children do not know what it is like to go out and play by themselves in the vast, green lands or on stretches of dirty sand, feel the dirt on their bare feet, get poked by a thorn, discover the pleasure of having it removed, have a dip in a fresh water pond, get wet in the rain, lay down carefully constructed, little paper water boats on puddles, fly kites into the open blue skies with friends and strangers or just stare into the starlit skies doing nothing else? Is is not wrong that young adults today take to expensive clothes, cosmetics, fast food and entertainment just for acknowledgement? Isn't it terrible that so many of today's youth are torn between belief and irreverance, go after material pursuits, and perhaps fall prey to substance abuse? *
Is this not a Faustian bargain, when we move from villages and towns to big cities, joint families to nuclear, less to more, simple to complex? Is this what we call freedom? Is this the happiness that we seek?
Lastly, I must mention the act of receiving. There is so little said of it. If you've noticed, the weary traveller in the story, politely accepted the kind gesture for what it was. It is sad that some of us, with all our independence and pride (if that is what it is), are incapable of the simple act of receiving an act of kindness with dignity.
We would wonder about the many things that are left unsaid and unspoken about what we are obliged to do in return (and justifiably so, for how many people perform an act of true kindness today without a thread of expectation strung around it tightly). Or we would just get into what is the self-reflective, modern day, infinite-mental-loop mode of asking ourselves if we are capable of the gesture ourselves or if it is FAIR to acknowledge a gesture when we can't do the same ourselves!
I found it very perceptive of this writer, Khalil Gibran who wrote the following lines in a poem titled 'On giving'. All his other poems, on freedom, etc. are beautifully perceptive as well.
And what desert greater shall there be than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?
And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
......
And you receivers - and you are all receivers - assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.
Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;
For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father.
* This is not to say that everything about today's youth is terrible and everything ancient is good. I am just making a case for us to think about what we might have lost in the process.
7 comments:
Enjoyed picturising the Thinnai scene :) and you're right about the act of receiving. Just looked up Faustian and like I said, I was wondering why my answer to q.24 was not Pondicherry, when you and another friend from Pondicherry have both answered Pondicherry. That is when I realised that I no longer want to put B'lore in front. Consciously trying to do that would be my Faustian bargain, only I've learnt the term for it now, after reading your post :)
This post is a really BIG pleasantly surprising coincidence for me!!
"For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father"
Wow! You must be of extremely high EQ to dig up such gems. I am impressed.
...and Thank You for the blog.
"Hasn't something gone seriously wrong somewhere along the way, if we simply cannot trust letting a stanger into our house for a drink?"
Observe carefully; that thinnai is outside the house and the door guards whoever inside. You make a false dichotomy. What we need is more courtesy and empathy in the society. we don't need to invite people into our private space. but, at times we need to look at the world through their eyes.
when go travel outside, look for asimple stone structure with two veritical stones supporting a horizontal one. it is usually found in rural areas near the entrace of a village. it is laid their for the travelers to unload their bag etc and relax for a while.
I am from a place near kalpathy in palakkad, here still we have thinnai's at the gramam where people rest during their long walks in summer, as children we used them as wickets or goal post for our games, maami's sit and gossip while making raw material for murukku or appalam, maama's sit their in the evening after their hectic morning work and relax in the chilly winds, thinnai's play a big role in the south indian culture. But alas now things have started changing there too...houses with thinnai have changed to one with wall in front and a big gate. Basically we have become more recluse and selfish in common man's term. About apartmentalization (if there is a word like this) its a sorry state but you know what with a growing population and smaller cities we have to cope up this change. But atleast the small towns could maintain their integrity and soul. I wish if it was true where the remote villages still could maintain the picturesque beauty and innocence, where 'moru' replaces pepsi/coke, folk tales are predominant and kids have the 'REAL' freedom. I wish if it all were true....your blog makes me homesick as ever...
@ meens
pondy... yay! :)
coincidence. would love to hear your thoughts on similar stuff.
@anonymous1
nope EQ - below average. but IQ average to above average.
@anonymous2- thanks forpointing the dichotomy. literally there is a dichotomy. shouldn't have said, let people into homes. it is figuratively. we need to open ourselves to people. as you say it is trust. empathy.
but about private space.. thought it was interesting. aren't we too fixated on defining and guarding our "private spaces" these days? I do know it seems to have its advantages. But then again, maybe it doesn't. what do we gain from this as opposed to what we lose?
@sabarish
i hope its better now. shd've been fun living in a village.
Anybody home??
Thank you for this tender expression of awareness of and frustration about the costs of the driven and often unconscious socitial press for freedom and personal space. These are not bad in and of themselves and yet the balance that would foster both connectedness, family, extended family and such is hard to strike, especially when buildings and schedules of the culture don't promote it Environments that are consciously created to allow a graceful arrangement, that can accomodate family size fluctuating and focus, changing needs, frail bodies, new life...we need these. I appreciated learning about the Thinnai. Thank you.
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