Is it pleasure or power?

I've always wondered about what drives some men to certain kinds of purportedly perverted behavior. Be it exhibitionism or god-knows-what-ever-they-do in those quiet corners when a lone woman passes by. Be it voyeurism. Molestation. Or rape. All women I know have had some bad experience with men. Most of us react the same way. It takes us all by surprise every time it happens. At the end, we end up thinking about it, cursing the men with abuses and feel terrible about the incident. We lose our peace of mind. And that is exactly what drives me mad. How unfair can it get? Why should I lose MY peace of mind???????

Is there something that I could have done that would have made me feel better? Agreed, fear takes over momentarily. And fierce anger takes over soon after. And nothing is more of a mind-suppressor than anger. I am slow to think and react appropriately. Why, at that moment I don't even know what appropriate is?

What about at other times? What is the 'right' thing to do in such a situation anyway?

Let me just assume that what is right is what would make me happy. I would definitely be happier if I got rid of that moment of fear. I can't even reason out WHY WHY WHY one has to fear anything. And yet, for a moment, it happens.

I'd also be better off if I were able to just THINK. Think instead of letting my anger get the better of me. Think of something smart to say/do or to just hit out or do ANYTHING to annoy or even hurt the person.

I think we'd all have felt better had it not been for the sheer helplessness of our situation. That's the right word. Helplessness. And it is not like it seems. This helplessness DOESNOT have a solution in getting help from people around. We just don't want to feel PERSONALLY helpless.

Why then, do we feel helpless?

For a moment let me try understanding what the man’s motive could be? Is it just some form of pleasure that he gets that I absolutely fail to comprehend and therefore label as ‘perverted’? I wouldn't be bugged if it was pleasure that the guy sought in the only form he knew how to. It is not to say that this is not terribly annoying or that it is acceptable. Seeking pleasure in any form that physically hurts or mentally violates people around you is unacceptable.

But I suspect that it is a power-game. It is all about men who want to exert some kind of power over women. It is about ‘control’. It is about looking at women powerless. Not able to do anything about it. Unable to talk about it. Unable to face the helplessness of their own situation. And it is THIS power that gives way to their pleasure.

It is not sexual pleasure they seek. They seek the pleasure that comes with power. Here are some facts to bolster my statement: They don't go about 'choosing' suitable victims like other men do. They just do it to ANY woman. They do it to some pretty woman walking down the road. They do it to me. They do it to younger school girls. They do it, perhaps less often, to older, middle-aged women. They don't do it to senior citizens at least. I hope. And if it is true it is ONLY because they don't see any point exerting power over people they perceive to be quite powerless anyway. Another reason could be just that older women tend to react to such incidents more calmly. They can speak up loud about it. They aren’t vain and hence don’t find it difficult seeking help or describing the incident - talking loud or creating a commotion while seeking justice.

I won't psychoanalyse their motive of exerting power over women. And if that motive has some sexual origin. To me, it all fits. The power. The helplessness. The pleasure. And the loss of peace of mind.

And I am NOT going to give it to the morons. I’ll fight power with power. The next time this happens.... which I am sure it will.. As long as there are men who seek power this way…

And what do I do? Do what the older women do? The problem is that I can't do that. It won’t make me happy to seek help and to go through the ordeal of describing the incident, to prove the man’s guilt and my innocence and to get so-called justice that way. Nope, I can’t do that. I will just have to hit out HARD, where it hurts the most. And see pain in his eyes. THAT will make me happy.